I am a mediocre artist. No matter how often people tell me that they love my work, I feel like I create crap. I look at that steaming pile and convince myself that my audience doesn’t know what true art looks like. When I finally create something I think looks great, over time it turns into a dilapidated piece of dung beetle baby meal.
There are good reasons behind my self-hatred, and I think every artist should have at least a small amount of disdain for his or her own work. No matter how skilled I am, or will become, my art will never be without flaws, because I am my greatest critic. I see every mistake. I imagine what could have been, but never was. Viewing my art as less than perfect pushes me to become a better artist. As I improve with each piece, my old work gradually looks worse. This is a good sign, but it means I’ll never be fulfilled for long. It is an endless cycle, because after all the work put into a major creation, I am more proficient even before I’m finished. Unfortunately, artists, no matter what skill level they are at, are never content.
Other artists are also to blame for my contempt. I tend to find inspiration in the art of others, especially if they are incredibly skilled. (I’d say talented, but I have mixed feelings on that word. Art takes work. Most people don’t pop out of their mothers and paint the Sistine Chapel. ) I scroll through sites like deviantArt as if I’m investigating a crime. I come across one incredible image after another. Plus a lot of My Little Pony fan art. Why? Just why? Anyway, by doing this, I realize how amateur my own work is. This can be great for discovering what I need to develop, but it can be dangerous too. It can deter me from even trying. I have to remind myself that with practice, I can reach that level.
My point is, there will always be someone “better” than me. That is what my high school art teacher, the wonderful Mr. Mitchell, taught me. But, like he said, I will always have something that sets me apart. Even when there are artists that blow me out of the water on a technical level, I may have a quality to my art and creativity that they don’t have. One person might be able to recreate a landscape or a bowl of fruit so realistic that you can’t tell if it’s a painting or a photo. But that same person might not be able to come up with the strange creatures and “monsters” I fabricate from the weird, morbid part of my mind.
I remember a girl in my figure drawing class in college. She could draw the human body effortlessly and beautifully. Her graphite lines shaped the proportions and bodily curves with a perfection I still haven’t mastered in the slightest. But one day we were instructed to make up something and have fun with it. This poor girl just stared at her blank paper for half the class. She eventually started drawing things that were in the room, ignoring the instructor when he insisted she should try to pull from her imagination. At that point, after I had already finished my drawing and was starting on another, I realized something. Some artist are simply “different.” Who has the right to say that one artist is “better” or “worse” than another? I know I am contradicting myself, but I don’t really care.
I’ll end with this. Create art for yourself. Improve because you want to be the best you can be. Don’t do it to impress someone, or to be “better” than someone else. Do it for you. But always remember, you suck. And that’s wonderful.
by Stephanie Ginther
To see more art by Stephanie, or get in touch, please visit:
http://baskerzeke.deviantart.com https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephanie-ginther-15b3074a